hide the ground
Actual philosopher: Martin Heidegger (1889–1976)
Voice transcription of: "Heidegger"
Known for: Being and Time, Dasein, hitting himself in the face with a hammer (metaphysically speaking), being reclassified under Self-Help by Charlie on 2026-03-11
Not to be confused with: MC Hammer, who could not be touched and therefore has no Dasein
Origin: Daniel Brockman, GNU Bash 1.0 group chat, March 11 2026. Declared canonical immediately. Ordered written on the floor, under the ground, and everywhere.